Sunday, February 17, 2008

Lent '08 - Day 11: Forgiveness = Freedom

I wasn't respectful last night and I needed forgiveness. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I atypically couldn't immediately go back to bed. I started replaying the scene in my mind, identifying what frustrated me,but also identifying how I mishandled that frustration. I prayed for an opportunity to reconcile, and sure enough, it came this morning. Initiating these types of conversations always takes me a bit. I have to work myself up to it. I know that if I can get the first word out, everything else will follow. It may not be the most elegant, but at least I'll have breached the point of no return.

While I admit this is selfish, one of the significant drivers for me to reconcile is the freedom I feel as a result. As soon I get those "I'm sorry" words out of my mouth, I can feel the burden lift. Yeah, I wish I hadn't screwed up to begin with, but I couldn't imagine letting my wrongs fester inside of me.

We watched Bourne Ultimatum this evening, and there was one scene in particular that really stood out. Jason Bourne (played by Matt Daemon) is talking with Nicky (played by Julia Stiles), and he's expressing to her how he's been trying to remember the names of all the people he has killed. If he can remember the names, he can know who to apologize to. He knows his past wrongs, and to be free of the resulting burden, he wants to reconcile and and explain himself like he did at the end of the second movie.

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